


As Flies to Wanton Boys

by noydb666 (Elynittria)



Series: Shakespeare trilogy [3]
Category: Red Dwarf
Genre: Alternate Canon, First Time, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2005-01-01
Updated: 2005-01-01
Packaged: 2017-10-05 05:11:28
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,860
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/38147
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Elynittria/pseuds/noydb666
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>An alternate version of the events of "Rimmerworld." The third story in my Shakespeare trilogy (sequel to "A Man More Sinned Against" and "To Be or Not to Be"), although it can stand alone.</p>
            </blockquote>





	As Flies to Wanton Boys

**Author's Note:**

> Originally published in the Red Dwarf Slash Society Yahoo group.

_As flies to wanton boys are we to th' gods;  
They kill us for their sport._  
     —William Shakespeare, King Lear (IV.i.36–37)

 

The female simulant confronted three of the _Red Dwarf_ posse and aimed a weapon at them. Rimmer, hidden behind them, took the opportunity to slink away down a corridor without being noticed, heart pounding wildly, hoping that he'd find some way out of this desperate situation. Not only were they in an unstable ship, but a very pissed-off simulant wanted revenge, and Rimmer was all too aware of his physical and emotional limits. He had never pretended to have courage, and Kryten's warnings that he avoid stress in an effort to fend off "a gigantic electronic aneurysm" were vivid in his mind.

He had tried to avoid boarding the simulant's ship with the rest of the crew, but Lister had scared him into joining them. He couldn't explain to Lister why he wanted to stay—not without telling him about his ill health. Rimmer didn't want Lister worrying about him, so the lesser of two evils was to join his crewmates and hope that nothing awful happened. Unfortunately, something awful had happened.

Rimmer rounded a turn in the corridor and found that he had ended up behind the simulant, who was currently threatening his crewmates. She pointed her weapon at the ceiling and fired a shot, causing pieces of the ship to fall and the entire superstructure to groan with an almost human voice. Rimmer felt the ship rumble beneath his feet at the same moment he spied the escape pod. _A way out! For once my luck isn't_ bad _luck!_

Lister had spotted Rimmer, however, and was clearly counting on him to take action against the simulant. His "NOW" had the tone of a command. Rimmer stopped, torn between the desire to escape and the desire to help his friends. His heart continued pounding at a furious rate, and he winced at a sudden pain in his head. _Smeg! I can't deal with a headache or a panic attack right now!_ Rimmer stole another look at the escape pod. Safety was only a few steps away. He moved toward the pod, staggering slightly as a wave of dizziness passed over him.

Lister's voice penetrated the buzzing in his head: "Think about it. Everything we've been through—does none of that mean anything to you?" _Yes! Yes, it means everything to me, but I can't do what you want me to do...I'm not a hero. I'd probably miss anything I aimed at, anyway, and end up hitting one of you._

The disappointment evident in Lister's face was what finally caused Rimmer to act. The hologram aimed his bazookoid at the simulant and pulled the trigger. The next few seconds seemed to occur in slow motion, as if the whole universe had slowed down and narrowed its focus to this one event. To Rimmer's immense surprise, his shot hit the simulant, causing her to cry out and whirl around. As she dropped to the floor, she fired one round at Rimmer. The shot hit his torso at the same time as his head seemed to explode with agony. He screamed and fell, almost oblivious to the chunks of metal falling around him as the ship shuddered in its death throes. Blackness spread from the corners of his mind and eyes to engulf him completely. His last coherent thought was that he had failed: the shipquake would surely kill his friends.

* * *

Lister almost wanted to cheer when Rimmer's shot hit its mark, but the impulse was stillborn. Instead, he watched in silent horror as the sim shot Rimmer in return and the ship's ceiling collapsed on the hologram. Rimmer's scream echoed in his ears. "_Nooo!_" Lister yelled, heedless of the need for quiet. He rushed forward, trying to push his way through the rubble to reach Rimmer's last position, which was now totally covered by debris.

"Sir!" Kryten called to him urgently. "The superstructure's disintegrating! We need to leave—_now!_"

"Get to the teleporter!" yelled the Cat.

"You go—I've gotta find Rimmer!" replied Lister in a frantic voice as he tugged on a metal beam blocking his path.

"He's dead, bud! Nobody could survive that!" the Cat argued. In his view, trying to recover a dead body was a waste of time and lives—especially when that dead body was Rimmer.

Kryten joined Lister and pointed his psi-scan toward the mound of rubble. "He's still alive. This way," he indicated.

"C'mon Cat," Lister said, as he started to dig. "All for one an' all that, right?"

Cat rolled his eyes, but joined the pair as they removed debris from the site that Kryten's scan had indicated. "If this messes up my manicure, I'll kill goalpost head myself," Cat mumbled under his breath.

After a moment of urgent digging, Lister moved a large shard of metal and revealed Rimmer's ghostly pale face. His eyes were not quite closed, but were rolled up with only the whites showing, creating a macabre mask. Lister's heart sank as he took in the sight—Rimmer certainly didn't look good, despite Kryten's assurance that he was still alive.

Within a few seconds, they had freed Rimmer from his metallic tomb. Kryten scooped the lifeless body into his arms and made for the teleporter, followed closely by Lister and the Cat. _Starbug_ barely had time to escape the landing bay before the simulant ship exploded, leaving no trace of its existence.

* * *

Leaving Cat at _Starbug'_s controls, Lister headed for the medi-bay. He stopped at the doorway, bracing himself for bad news. Rimmer lay on the scan table, still unconscious, with one arm hanging lifelessly off the table. Kryten was checking readouts with a concerned look on his face.

Lister moved into the room and took Rimmer's dangling hand, gently squeezing it and placing the arm back onto the table. The chest wound looked bad, but it wasn't near the hologram's light bee, which puzzled Lister. If the wound wasn't mortal, why was Rimmer still unconscious? His hard-light body should have protected him from the falling debris to a great extent. Yet Rimmer looked ashen, and his hand had felt cold. Almost afraid to ask, Lister turned to Kryten for enlightenment. "Well? What's wrong with him? Will he be all right?"

The mechanoid started cleaning and bandaging Rimmer's wound as he answered Lister's questions. "Mr. Rimmer has been shot, as you can see, but I'm afraid the more important problem involves the electronic equivalent of a human's neurological system. That is much more difficult to repair, and indeed may be irreparable in our present circumstances."

"What are ya sayin' to me, Kryten? Is he gonna die?" Lister asked anxiously.

"That is a possibility, Mr. Lister, sir. You see, Mr. Rimmer has suffered the electronic equivalent of an aneurysm."

"He what?"

"In layman's terms, he suffered a stroke. Oh, I feel awful. I was telling him only this morning that he had to avoid stressful situations in order to prevent something like this from happening."

"You mean you _knew_ he was sick? Why didn't you tell me?!" exclaimed Lister, upset that he had been in the dark about such an important matter. _Smeg, Rimmer! Why didn't_ you _tell me?!_

"Mr. Rimmer specifically ordered me not to let you or Mr. Cat know of his condition. I _had_ to obey him. I'm sorry, sir."

"Don't worry about it—I'm not blaming you. I just wish he'd told me! I never would've pushed him to go with us to the sim ship if I'd known he was in such bad shape. Smeg...So what do we do now? Can we fix him? Will he ever wake up again?" Lister looked at Rimmer's pale, pain-wracked face and hoped against hope that this wasn't the end. He had once silently sworn to Rimmer that he would watch over him, but had never had the courage to tell Rimmer that to his face or to tell the hologram how much he meant to him. He hoped that it wasn't too late now.

Kryten's reply interrupted Lister's swirling thoughts. "The readouts indicate that there was considerable damage done to Mr. Rimmer's systems. There is a possibility that he will never regain consciousness. If he does emerge from his current coma, we must expect that he will be disabled, both physically and mentally, to an unknown extent."

"How d'ya mean, 'disabled'?" queried Lister. The term sounded ominous.

"It is possible that he will have some degree of paralysis, and his hearing, speech, and perception may be affected. Emotionally, he may experience extreme mood swings—crying one moment and then laughing uncontrollably the next, for example. He may be unable to remember things, either in the past or something that just happened seconds ago. The range of possible disability is wide, depending on exactly what parts of his neurological system were damaged. And I'm afraid that we don't have the tools or computer power on board _Starbug_ to effect any substantial repairs."

"I see," murmured Lister unhappily. "Well, we've just gotta hope for the best, then. Meanwhile, what can we do for him?"

"Nothing, really," Kryten replied. "Just wait and watch."

"Does he hafta stay here in the medi-bay?"

"I suppose not," the mechanoid answered, rather puzzled at the question. "But where do you propose to move him?"

"Our sleeping quarters," Lister said firmly. "It might help if he was staying somewhere real familiar." _Besides,_ he added to himself, _I can keep watch over him much better there._

"I don't see any objections to what you propose, Mr. Lister, sir. I'll carry Mr. Rimmer to his bunk once I've finished up here."

"Thanks, Kryten."

* * *

Later that night, Lister returned to the sleeping quarters after a stint at the controls. He made a beeline for Rimmer's bunk to check on his roommate's condition. Rimmer had not regained consciousness and was lying on his back in the lower bunk, completely motionless. For a moment, Lister panicked, thinking Rimmer was dead. He quickly sat down on the bunk and placed his ear to the hologram's chest. The steady thump of the simulated heart was reassuring. Lister released a breath he hadn't realized he'd been holding.

"Whew! Glad you're still with us, mate. You scared me for a minute there." Lister reached out a hand to gently stroke Rimmer's face and brush back his unruly hair. "I know you can't hear me, but I want you to know that we're all worried about you. I'm really sorry I got ya into this mess. You shoulda told me what was goin' on. Then again, I guess I shoulda noticed something was wrong, so that makes us even in the blame game.

"You've gotta get better, Rimmer. You hear me? That's an order, an' I know you always obey orders. An' yeah, I know I'm not your superior, but I've never let that stop me before. I can't imagine life without you around acting like a smeghead and borin' us all to death with play-by-play accounts of some Risk game you played three million years ago. Besides, I really need to talk to ya, man."

The topic Lister wanted to discuss was one that had been preying on his mind for a while. He had once told Rimmer that he loved the hologram as a friend. But his feelings had grown and deepened since then. Now Lister thought he might actually be in love with Rimmer. The younger man had tried to ignore or reject that thought, but it had gotten progressively more difficult to do so, especially after Legion had given Rimmer a hard-light body. Knowing that it was now physically possible to touch Rimmer was simultaneously exciting and frustrating—exciting because of the possibility it raised of fulfilling some of his fantasies, and frustrating because he didn't know how Rimmer felt about such things. Lister hadn't dared to broach the subject with him.

Lister had avoided the temptation to touch the hologram out of fear of how Rimmer might react. From various things Rimmer had let slip over the years, Lister had gathered that Rimmer had been neglected, and probably downright abused, as a child. Then there was the matter of Todhunter's ill usage of Rimmer. Lister had managed to get Kryten to confirm his guess that Todhunter had essentially raped Rimmer, but he still didn't know all the details. The mechanoid had barred all access to the relevant records out of concern for Rimmer's privacy. Lister worried that a lifetime of physical abuse might have made Rimmer wary of being touched, so he kept a tight control over his impulses to physically interact with his friend—even via such innocuous gestures as a pat on the shoulder or a slap on the back.

Lister pulled the blanket up more snugly around Rimmer and leaned over to plant a gentle kiss on the hologram's forehead. "See ya in the morning, smeghead. And you'd better be better by then."

* * *

Unfortunately, Rimmer's condition remained unchanged for the next three days. Lister spent all of his free time with the comatose man, sometimes sitting quietly beside him, holding his hand, and sometimes talking about anything and everything as if Rimmer were able to hear. Kryten came by periodically to check on the hologram's condition, and even the Cat was curious enough to pop into the sleeping quarters every now and then to see if the monkey had moved yet.

Lister was starting to feel discouraged. He, Kryten, and Cat had discussed possible solutions to the problem, without success. They had ruled out going back to Legion's space station because of the risk of being imprisoned there forever and fear that the psychotic entity might harm rather than repair Rimmer. The idea of making their own tools for the microsurgery needed on Rimmer's light bee was shot down by the fact that _Starbug_ had no facilities either for creating or using such delicate tools—plus, they needed access to Holly's databanks for detailed technical information regarding the hologram's systems. So even though Cat had actually volunteered to act as a surgeon (since he had the finest and most delicate hands of all of them, as he pointed out with pride), they were unable to pursue that option. Fate looked like it had it in for Rimmer, Lister mused. It wasn't fair, but then again, life never was.

* * *

Lister awoke abruptly, startled. Some sound had awakened him, but everything was quiet at the moment. He lay still in the dark for a second or so, trying to determine if the sound had been in his dreams or real, when it came again—a sort of grunting noise. _Rimmer!_ he thought ecstatically, jumping down from his bunk and calling for the lights.

Rimmer was indeed conscious, but Lister's initial joy evaporated as he took in the hologram's condition. One arm was moving feebly, as if he were trying to prop himself up in the bunk, without success. His mouth was contorted and saliva dribbled from one corner. But it was the wide and panic-stricken eyes that caused Lister the most concern. If Rimmer didn't calm down soon, he might suffer another stroke.

"Shhh," Lister said in a calming tone. "You're gonna be OK, Rimmer. Just take it easy." He instinctively laid a hand on the other man's shoulder and rubbed gently in small circles. "You've had a bit of a stroke, but you saved us all from that simulant. We're back on _Starbug_ now—you were out a few days."

Rimmer's movements became even more agitated at hearing the word "stroke." He seemed to be trying to sit up, and his inability to do so was obviously causing him to panic. Odd sounds escaped from his mouth. Lister pushed gently on the hologram's shoulder, pressing him back down onto the bed. "Don't try to move yet, Rimmer. Just calm down and keep still, OK? Do ya understand me?"

More garbled sounds that bore only a vague resemblance to speech issued from Rimmer's mouth in reply. Lister winced internally, but didn't let his worry show on his face. "OK. It looks like talkin' is temporarily outta the question," he said, hoping that this situation was indeed temporary. "How about nodding or blinking to say 'yes' or 'no'? We could say one blink is yes, and two blinks is no. Can you do that?"

Rimmer carefully blinked once. _Thank god!_ Lister thought. _At least he's still got all his marbles._ Out loud, he said, "Great! That's what we'll do for now. OK, next question: Are you hurtin' anywhere?"

Rimmer seemed to hesitate before blinking 'no,' causing Lister to wonder whether the hologram was merely making an assessment of his condition before answering or was not telling the complete truth.

"You sure?"

Another blink: _Yes._

"Can you move at all?"

In reply, Rimmer again began struggling to sit up. He managed to prop himself up slightly on his left arm, but the effort was clearly exhausting him.

"Whoa! Whoa! I didn't say 'move,' you smeghead—I just asked you a question! Relax!"

Rimmer collapsed back onto the bed with a deep sigh of frustration. Without thinking, Lister took Rimmer's left hand and pressed it gently. "Take it easy, mate. We don't wanna make things worse by pushin' too hard right now. OK?"

The concerned tone of voice and the reassuring grasp on his hand were too much for Rimmer, whose emotional shields seemed to have shattered along with his physical strength. Tears glistened in his eyes and he tried to turn his head away from Lister's searching gaze. He was embarrassed at his display of emotional weakness and wanted to hide the tears that were now rolling silently down his cheeks. However, due to his limited mobility, this proved impossible.

Lister's first impulse was to kiss the tears away, but he restrained himself. _The last thing Rimmer needs to deal with right now is me actin' all odd and lovey-dovey, 'specially since he can't slug me if he doesn't like bein' kissed by a guy._ Instead, he limited himself to gently wiping the tears off with his unoccupied hand. In reply, he felt a slight squeeze on the hand that still enfolded Rimmer's hand.

"I'll take that as a 'yes,' then," Lister said. "Why don't you try to get some rest? It's only 4 in the morning, and Kryten's asleep. Once he's up, we can go to the medi-bay and run some tests."

Obediently, Rimmer closed his eyes. He expected Lister to return to his own bunk, but was surprised when he heard the sound of a chair being moved. He opened his eyes a crack and saw that his roommate seemed to be settling in near his bed for the remainder of the night. The thought that Lister might actually care about him made Rimmer feel a warm glow. As usual when he felt good, an inner voice tried to bring him back to harsh reality, as interpreted by Rimmer's self-loathing: _So what if he's pretending to care? He'll get tired of that soon enough. Look at you: You're a mess—practically a vegetable. You're even more useless than you were as a soft-light hologram!_

Lister called for the lights to be turned off, and then Rimmer felt his hand being clasped gently again. That gave him the strength to ignore the voice and concentrate instead on the wonderful sensation of actually holding hands with the man he loved. Slowly, he drifted off to a contented sleep.

* * *

The results of the tests that Kryten ran the next day were disheartening: Rimmer was paralyzed on the right side of his body, and very weak on his left side. He could understand speech, but could not form intelligible speech—a condition known as dysarthria, Kryten informed Lister. His long-term memory seemed intact, but there was some disruption to short-term memory. Kryten had carried Rimmer back to his bunk before drawing Lister aside and informing him of the diagnosis, not wanting to upset Rimmer by letting him know how bad the situation was.

Lister took in the news with a frown of concern on his face. "Is there anything we can do to help Rimmer get back some strength?" he asked the mechanoid. "Exercises, or things like that?"

"I'm afraid I don't really know the answer to that, Mr. Lister, sir. My databanks do not totally cover this area of knowledge. I would imagine that some sort of resistance exercises might be useful, however. They certainly couldn't hurt."

"What about massage an' stuff like that, to keep him from gettin' bedsores?" asked Lister, remembering what had been done for his gran when she was bedridden.

"Again, I don't know. As a hard-light hologram, I wouldn't think that Mr. Rimmer would be susceptible to such problems, but I must admit that I hadn't expected him to bleed when shot, either. His new body seems to be a remarkably accurate simulation of a real human body."

For a moment, Lister let his mind dwell on the possible positive aspects of that accuracy. Almost immediately, he chided himself for thinking about sex when Rimmer was in no condition to participate, even if by some remote chance he might want to do so. Making himself focus on the here and now, Lister told Kryten that they should all be careful to remain outwardly optimistic in the hologram's presence. He then left the medi-bay to go visit Rimmer.

* * *

A week passed. Lister encouraged Rimmer to do hand-curls with an improvised weight to strengthen his useful arm, and helped him to sit up in bed so he could read. Lister felt a bit guilty about not letting Rimmer know the truth, but, being an eternal optimist, he told himself that maybe things would improve somehow, so there was no need to alarm Rimmer unnecessarily by telling him his condition might be permanent.

One afternoon Rimmer tried to walk a few steps, leaning heavily on Lister's shoulder, with Lister's arm wrapped around his waist helping to hold him up. The effort proved to be too much for Rimmer, however. His good knee buckled after the first step, forcing him to allow Lister to practically drag him back to his bunk.

As Lister sat on the edge of Rimmer's bunk late that night before turning in, chattering away about the odd swirly thing the _Bug_ had run into that day, he was surprised to feel Rimmer's hand clutching his arm, interrupting the flow of the story. "What's up, mate?" Lister asked. "D'you want something?

Slowly, with much difficulty, Rimmer formed words that were slurred and only semi-intelligible, but words nonetheless: "No. How...bad?"

"Rimmer, man, you can talk again! That's great!" Lister enthused, ignoring the actual question that had been asked.

"Use-less," Rimmer managed to say before shutting his eyes in exhaustion and frustration.

"Get outta town! You're _not_ useless, Rimmer! Already you're gettin' better—i;t'll just take time. You hafta hang on and keep working on it, and I'll be right there every step of the way."

Noticing Rimmer's raised eyebrow at this last comment, Lister hurriedly introduced a new topic of conversation. "Er, Kryten said that massage might be good for preventing bedsores and keeping your muscles in shape. What d'you think? D'you care for a therapeutic massage from yours truly?"

Rimmer blinked 'yes', too tired to attempt more speech or movement.

"OK, then. Let's get rid of this pajama top first," said Lister, suiting his actions to his words. "Now, you need to lie on your stomach. Can you flop in my general direction while I pull on your shoulder?"

This instruction caused Rimmer to snort with laughter. His blink 'yes' looked surprisingly like a wink to Lister. "Hey! Are you laughing at me, smeghead?!" asked Lister in mock anger. Another wink. "C'mon, then—flop!"

Trying to hold back his laughter, Rimmer complied with the order and, with Lister's assistance, ended up lying on his stomach. He curled his right arm under his pillow and rested his cheek on the pillow, his eyes closed. He couldn't believe that Lister had actually offered to give him a massage, and he half-expected the offer to be withdrawn any moment and revealed as a joke.

Lister took the opportunity to admire Rimmer's slim, muscular form for a few seconds before beginning the massage. Rimmer jumped as if he had been electrically shocked when Lister's hands touched the nape of his neck. "Whoa! Did I hurt ya?" Lister asked, removing his hands quickly.

'No,' blinked Rimmer, then tried to form the word "surprised," which came out sounding more like "spriiize."

"No probs, then," replied Lister with relief. "OK, let's start again. Ready or not, here I come."

Rimmer closed his eyes again and tried to get a grip on his emotions, which had become uncomfortably close to the surface since the stroke and were currently going haywire because of the nearness and kindness of Lister. Lister's touch was gentle but firm as he massaged the muscles at the base of Rimmer's neck, which were knotted with tension. "Relax, Rimmer," whispered Lister into the hologram's ear. "Don't worry about anything—just relax and enjoy."

Rimmer did his best to comply. He concentrated on the sensation of Lister's touch in the present and tried to push away any futile wishes regarding the future. Gradually, the tension in his shoulders and back melted away as Lister worked on the muscles. It felt wonderful. No one had ever given him a massage before. In fact, no one had ever touched him so tenderly before—not even Nirvana.

Lister worked his way down Rimmer's back and felt the hologram growing more relaxed under his hands. He also felt a portion of his own anatomy becoming much more excited. "Lights off," Lister called out, hoping that darkness would conceal his growing erection. He took a break from kneading Rimmer's muscles to run his fingertips gently up and down the other man's spine with a feather-light touch. This elicited a low moan from the hologram.

"Rimmer? You OK?" asked Lister, concerned.

"Yessh" came the answer in a shaky voice.

"Good." Lister returned to his massage, concentrating on Rimmer's lower back.

Rimmer didn't know quite what to do. Lister's touch was electrifying, and the hologram had discovered that his penis was definitely not paralyzed. Since he assumed Lister wasn't interested in him as anything more than a friend, he tried to ignore the messages his body was sending him and to think of something—anything—that would act as a sort of mental cold shower.

But Lister was hard to ignore. He ran his fingertips down Rimmer's spine again, this time diving beneath the pajama bottoms to reach the very base of the spine. Rimmer jumped. "Re-laxxx," whispered Lister, drawing out the two syllables of the word and punctuating the command with a light kiss to the back of Rimmer's neck.

Startled, albeit pleasantly so, Rimmer opened his eyes. He could only see Lister as a vague shape sitting on the edge of the bunk next to him. "Lishty?" he mumbled as best as he could.

Lister paused in his massage, but kept one hand on Rimmer's back to reassure the hologram—and, truth be told, himself. "Um...I don't know how to say this, Rimmer. Please don't get mad at me, but I can't keep it secret anymore: I love you." Lister mentally cringed, waiting for the expected angry rejection. He hadn't intended to tell Rimmer his feelings yet, hoping to wait until Rimmer had made more of a recovery, but the moment seemed to demand the truth.

There was absolute silence for a moment. Then a choked voice said, very quietly, "Really?"

The word was uttered so slowly and distorted that it took Lister a few seconds to process what Rimmer had asked. "Yes, really, you smeghead," he replied affectionately.

Rimmer made a sound that could have been either laughter or crying, but was in fact a combination of both. He was deliriously happy and yet at the same time deeply moved. He tried to stop the flow of emotions in order to make a coherent reply to Lister's declaration, but couldn't. He was aware of Lister bending over him anxiously. Hoping that Lister would be able to see the signal, he blinked slowly once: _Yes._

Lister felt his heart leap. "Does that mean you feel the same way?" he asked, hoping that he had interpreted the signal correctly.

_Yes._

Lister wanted to shout with joy, but prudently didn't. Instead, he kissed Rimmer's wet face and, taking off his singlet, used it to wipe away Rimmer's tears. Then he ran his hands up and down Rimmer's back, enjoying the feel of the warm skin and listening to the hitches in Rimmer's breathing that told him when he hit particularly sensitive spots. When he reached the lower back, he slipped his hands under the hologram and gently rubbed his belly using slow, circular motions. He was rewarded with another moan.

Smiling to himself, Lister leaned over and whispered into Rimmer's ear, taking the opportunity while his lips were there to nibble on the earlobe. "I think your back's had enough attention. How 'bout we work on your front now?"

In response to Rimmer's nod, which he felt more than saw, Lister prepared to turn Rimmer over. "You ready to flop again? I'm gonna turn ya so you're closer to the wall and stop hoggin' all the bed." Rimmer replied to this with a stifled giggle. "On the count of three, then," Lister said. "One, two, three—flop!"

"Ah, much better," Lister said as he gazed down at Rimmer's smooth chest and at the noticeable bulge in his pajama bottoms. He leaned down to kiss Rimmer's mouth, but the other man turned his head, embarrassed because the right side of his mouth still drooped and was partially paralyzed. "It's OK," Lister soothed him. "I'm dyin' to kiss you, but we can work up to that if ya want." He planted his kiss on Rimmer's turned cheek instead, and ran his fingers through the hologram's curly hair.

"Well, let's get on with that massage, then," Lister said. "We don't need these, though," he continued, tugging gently on Rimmer's pajama bottoms. He slid that garment down Rimmer's legs and afterwards hurriedly peeled off his own Y-fronts. He then moved to straddle Rimmer, kneeling with one knee on each side of the other man's hips and keeping most of his weight off the hologram in deference to his weakened condition.

The sensation caused by the gossamer-light meeting of their genitals caused both men to moan with pleasure. Lister stayed in that position and began massaging Rimmer's chest, avoiding the site of Rimmer's wound, which was still covered by a small dressing. As he worked on Rimmer's muscles, Lister's balls and cock bobbed gently up and down on Rimmer's, driving the hologram wild with desire. The feeling was exquisite and like nothing Rimmer had ever felt before.

Lister then shifted his position so he was further down Rimmer's legs and able to have better access to Rimmer's cock. He tenderly rubbed the other man's stomach, letting his hands dip lower and lower as he worked in a circular motion. At last he reached his goal and encircled the base of Rimmer's penis firmly in his hand, while flicking his tongue over the head. The hologram shuddered with pleasure and let out a moan that bore some resemblance to the word "Listy."

Rimmer tried to sit up a bit in order to reach out with his good arm, searching for Lister's cock. Lister noticed this and captured the flailing hand in his own hand. "Not yet," he said softly. "I want you to just lie back and enjoy this, 'cause I certainly am." Rimmer replied by squeezing Lister's hand and settling back onto the pillows.

Lister returned his attention to Rimmer's rigid cock, simultaneously pumping it gently with one hand while enveloping the top of it in his mouth and swirling his tongue around the sensitive head. Rimmer's breathing soon became fast and erratic. Again he tried to reach out for Lister, wanting to warn him that he was about to come, and assuming that Lister wouldn't want him to come in his mouth. Lister had already sensed that Rimmer was close, though, so he just grabbed Rimmer's hand with his unoccupied hand and continued with what he was doing. Rimmer held on to Lister's hand as if he were drowning, his grip tightening as he neared climax.

Lister looked up at Rimmer's face, enjoying the utter ecstasy that was evident there as Rimmer bucked and came with a loud, wordless yell. Lister swallowed each spurt of the ejaculation and waited until Rimmer's cock stopped twitching before slowly pulling his lips back and sucking gently until the tip of the cock was released from his mouth's embrace. After giving it one last kiss, Lister moved to lie cuddled up beside Rimmer, one arm thrown over the hologram's chest and his erection poking into his midriff.

Rimmer was still breathing heavily, a look of astonished delight on his face. "That... wasss... incred-...ible," he managed to articulate slowly as he turned his head to gaze lovingly into Lister's eyes. "Your...turn."

"OK, but let me do most of the work. Don't wanna tire you out too fast, ya know—gotta save some energy for next time."

Rimmer smiled shyly, pleased to hear that Lister intended this to be more than a one-night stand.

Lister took Rimmer's good hand and guided it down to his straining erection. He shivered when the hologram's long, slender fingers wrapped delicately around the shaft. "Mmmm, that feels wonderful," Lister sighed contentedly, nuzzling Rimmer's neck with his nose and lips. He moaned as Rimmer's hand caressed his cock and began a gentle pumping action. He wrapped his own hand around Rimmer's and joined him in the action. Their combined touch quickly brought Lister to the edge and over.

Afterward, Lister pulled the blanket up over them and snuggled next to Rimmer, his head on the hologram's shoulder, one arm embracing him as if he were a giant teddy bear. Before drifting off to sleep, Rimmer pressed his lips to Lister's forehead and whispered "Love...you." Lister smiled and replied drowsily, "Same here, mate."

* * *

The next day, during breakfast, Lister happily reported to the others the improvement Rimmer had made in his ability to speak. "So he's definitely gettin' better," he concluded. "All we hafta do now is wait and let time do its thing."

"I hate to disappoint you, Mr. Lister, sir," Kryten replied, "but Mr. Rimmer's systems are only able to repair themselves to a limited degree. If his progress after this stroke is anything like that of a human being, then we can expect that the most improvement will occur within the first 30 days; after that, not much more gain in function will be seen."

"Well, it's a sure bet he won't gain in brains and coolness," Cat pointed out. "He ain't got any to start with!"

Ignoring the Cat's remark, Lister pursued an idea sparked by what Kryten had said. "Wait a minute, Kryten. A light bulb just went on over my head. Don't you have a self-repair system? Some sort of tiny little robot things?"

"Oh, you mean the nanobots."

"Yeah. Can't we use them to fix Rimmer?"

"Unfortunately, no."

"What d'you mean?" protested Lister. "I thought you told me that they could change anything into anything else in order to repair stuff. If that's true, maybe they could even make Rimmer human again, eh?"

"I'm sure they'd be able to fix Mr. Rimmer's light bee, but they cannot create organic life from inorganic material. The main problem, however, is that I no longer have any nanobots. They deserted me right around the time we met the Despair Squid."

"That was ages ago—before we lost the _Dwarf,_" Lister pointed out.

"That's why I'm certain there is no hope of ever finding them in order to fix Mr. Rimmer," Kryten stated.

There was no way that Lister was going to let little things like time, space, and probability stand between him and a fully healthy and happy Rimmer. "So let's set a course back to the _Esperanto._"

"But I promise you it's futile, sir," Kryten protested. The glare he received from Lister caused him to change his tune immediately. "I'll start preparing the suspended animation booths."

Lister left the galley to give the good news to Rimmer, who shared Kryten's pessimism but was willing to go along with Lister's plan. After all, Lister's hunches often seemed to work out, unlike his own.

Rimmer's trust proved well founded. After traveling a great distance, _Starbug_ finally caught up with _Red Dwarf_—in both planetoid and nano versions—and the crew were reunited with Holly. After that, it was a simple matter of capturing the rebellious nanobots and persuading (more like threatening) them to agree to rebuild the _Dwarf_ and fix Rimmer.

* * *

Kryten carried Rimmer from his bunk to the medi-bay, with Lister following closely behind them. Lister was optimistic about the chances for success, but a little anxious as well. He'd feel a lot better when everything was over and they were all back home on the _Dwarf. Funny,_ he mused, _I never woulda thought I'd come to regard that old tin can as me home. Then again, I never woulda thought I'd fall in love with Rimmer, either!_

Kryten carefully lowered Rimmer down onto the scanner table and went to fetch the nanobots. Lister stood by the table and placed a reassuring hand on Rimmer's good shoulder. He could feel Rimmer trembling slightly under his hand. _I'd be nervous too, if I was him,_ Lister reflected.

Kryten reappeared with the glass containing the nanobots, smiling proudly. "I've got them worked into such a frenzy, sirs, that they'll do anything I say!"

"Where are they?" asked Lister, seeing nothing but an empty glass.

Kryten dipped his finger into the glass and pressed it against the side while slowly withdrawing the digit. "Here. On the tip of my finger. Millions and millions of them. Now all I have to do is insert them into Mr. Rimmer's light bee."

"Er, that might be difficult," Lister pointed out. "We can't get at his light bee because of his hard-light body."

"I will be able to insert them with a hypodermic syringe, sir. Holly has shown me the correct point and technique for injecting Mr. Rimmer."

Lister looked down at Rimmer and squeezed his shoulder. "OK, man. Ya ready?"

Rimmer nodded slowly. Lister unbuttoned the hologram's pajama top and bared Rimmer's chest while Kryten prepared the syringe.

Kryten quickly scanned Rimmer's chest to pinpoint the spot that Holly had indicated. Holding the syringe at a 90-degree angle, he carefully injected its contents into Rimmer, who promptly fainted. "Was that supposed to happen?" Lister asked Kryten.

"No, sir. I'm afraid that's just Mr. Rimmer's normal response to large needles."

Waiting for Rimmer to wake up and let them know if the operation had been a success was difficult for Lister, who paced around the medi-bay restlessly. He wanted to shake Rimmer's shoulder and hasten his return to consciousness, but he was worried that he might somehow disturb the delicate repairs the nanobots must be making.

Finally, after what seemed hours to Lister but was actually only a few minutes, Rimmer opened his eyes. "Rimmer?" Lister asked anxiously.

The hologram carefully raised the arm that had been paralyzed and stared at it in amazement. "It worked!" Rimmer announced jubilantly, sitting up. "I can move! I can talk! It worked!" He jumped off the scanner table only to be almost bowled over by Lister, who enveloped him in a bear hug. Rimmer enthusiastically returned the hug, rejoicing in his renewed strength.

"Yes!" exclaimed Lister in triumph. He reluctantly released his hold on Rimmer, not wanting to embarrass the hologram. "Now all we hafta do is make sure those little buggers rebuild the _Dwarf!_"

Cat, who had been piloting _Starbug_, poked his head into the room at that point and announced that _Red Dwarf_ had reappeared. They all rushed to the cockpit to take in the sight. She was beautiful—definitely the queen of mining ships. "Take us home, Cat," Lister commanded, taking his usual seat at the controls. "It's been a long, hard journey."

* * *

The rebuilt _Red Dwarf_ was perfect, they all agreed. Nothing seemed to be missing, Holly was on line, and supplies were plentiful. After the lean, cramped years aboard _Starbug_, the old mining ship seemed bounteous and palatial.

After the crew had unloaded the most important gear from _Starbug_, Kryten suggested that he cook a celebratory feast for that night's supper and serve it in the Officer's Club. The idea was enthusiastically seconded by the rest of the gang. Lister hastened to put plenty of champagne on ice so it would be ready for the occasion.

* * *

The feast was truly spectacular—Kryten outdid himself in both the cooking and the presentation. Champagne flowed abundantly and the crew's spirits were high as they toasted their return home.

Lister noticed that Rimmer was well on his way to getting sloshed, so he leaned over and whispered into the hologram's ear: "Don't overdo it on the bubbly, mate. You're me dessert, you know, and it would help if you were awake."

Rimmer blushed deep red at that remark, but a smile lit his face. Lister couldn't help but notice how the inner glow transformed Rimmer's features, revealing a beauty and innocence that were usually hidden beneath masks of snideness or smarm. He yearned to be able to kiss those smiling lips, and hoped that Rimmer's previous reluctance had been due to his physical disabilities rather than an aversion to kissing a guy. He looked forward to finding out soon.

* * *

The party broke up late that night, and Rimmer and Lister staggered toward their quarters with their arms around each other's shoulders, singing "Show Me the Way to Go Home" (if their caterwauling could qualify as singing). Both were pretty far gone in drink, but had not reached the point where the next stage was unconsciousness.

When they reached their quarters, Rimmer waved his free arm in an expansive gesture and declaimed, "Behold! Home are the hunters, home from the hills, and the sailors are home from the sea."

Lister gaped at him. "Who're you talking to, man?"

"Nobody. Anybody. Us!" exclaimed Rimmer.

"I can think of lots better things for us to do than talkin'," teased Lister. "Care to try some?"

Rimmer hesitated a moment, suddenly feeling nervous and inadequate, but managed to say out loud in a voice that strove—but failed—to sound self-confident, "Sure."

The pair made their way over to the lower bunk and collapsed on it so they were sitting side by side. Lister had noticed Rimmer's hesitation and knew he had to be careful not to let the hologram be overpowered by his neuroses. "Rimmer, you know I love you, right?" Rimmer nodded in reply, not trusting himself to speak. "Is it OK if I kiss you, then?" continued Lister. Again he was answered by a nod. Rimmer seemed to be holding his breath, and his eyes revealed both fear and longing.

Lister leaned over and gently pressed his lips against Rimmer's. It felt wonderful, and Lister longed to prolong it, but broke the kiss off so he could assess Rimmer's reaction. Rimmer looked slightly shell-shocked, but pleased, so Lister put his arms around the hologram and drew him in close for a longer kiss. He was surprised when Rimmer reacted enthusiastically, embracing him in a strong grip and kissing him passionately in return. Lister ventured to deepen the kiss and was thrilled when Rimmer followed suit. Their tongues explored each other's mouth for a moment until they both needed to come up for air.

"Brutal!" Lister exclaimed breathlessly. "You're a _great_ kisser, Rimmer! Any woman who didn't want to go out with you shoulda had her head examined."

Rimmer smiled happily and proceeded to kiss Lister again. As they kissed, Lister gently pushed the hologram down onto the bunk so that he was lying on his back with Lister half on top of him. When the kiss ended, Lister began undoing the clasps on Rimmer's blue jacket. In seconds, he had the jacket undone. Rimmer sat up far enough to be able to peel the jacket off and shrug out of his braces, while Lister hastily removed his own T-shirt. Lister then returned his attention to Rimmer, helping him get rid of his red T-shirt and then immediately reclaiming his mouth for a prolonged kiss.

Rimmer moaned softly and ran his hands up and down Lister's bare back, caressing the smooth skin. Lister's nerve endings tingled at the light touch, and his already hard cock clamored for attention. Lister's fingers fumbled with Rimmer's trousers button, eager to get rid of the final barriers standing between them.

"Let me get that," Rimmer said breathily, breaking off the kiss. "It'll be faster." Lister silently agreed and quickly divested himself of all his remaining clothes while he watched Rimmer do the same. The two of them then laid down side by side and began exploring each other's bodies. Lister moaned as he felt a strong hand encircle his cock at the same time that Rimmer was planting numerous butterfly kisses on his neck.

Rimmer released his grip on Lister in order to roll on top of him and then slowly began kissing his way down Lister's chest, enjoying the effect he was having on his bunkmate. "Oh, yeah, Rimmer—that feels great," Lister managed to say between gasps for breath. The burning need to have Rimmer's mouth reach its obvious destination was driving Lister crazy. "C'mon, man, have a little mercy!" he panted.

Rimmer looked up briefly and said with a grin, "Good things come to those who wait, you know, Listy."

"I've _been_ waiting," Lister protested, "I—" Whatever he was about to say was cut off by the gasp he made as Rimmer's mouth finally encircled his cock. "Oh, god!" was the most coherent thing Lister managed to say for a while as Rimmer sucked his cock and cradled his balls tenderly in his warm hands. Feeling that he was getting very close and thinking it was too soon, Lister tugged on Rimmer's shoulders, saying "C'mon back up here, big man. Me mouth's gettin' lonely."

When Rimmer had returned to his level, Lister captured his mouth again. After another passionate kiss, Rimmer drew back and looked at Lister's face. He was finding it hard to believe that he, Arnold J. Rimmer, was actually making Lister happy. _At last I'm doing something right!_ he marveled.

Lister stroked Rimmer's face tenderly. He mentally thanked the nanobots for restoring Rimmer to full health, and thanked his lucky stars that he had finally realized Rimmer's true value. _It took me long enough,_ he thought. Determined to make up for lost time, he kissed Rimmer again and ran his hands down his slender frame, stopping just above the hologram's hips to gently massage the muscles there. Rimmer sighed with contentment.

"Listy?" Rimmer asked after a moment.

"Hmm?"

"Do you think you could...er...I mean..." Rimmer stammered to a halt, embarrassed.

"What?" Lister asked in an encouraging tone of voice. "Just blurt it out—the worst I can do is say no, eh?"

"I want to feel you inside me," Rimmer said quickly in a low voice as he looked away and blushed beet red.

"I'd love to," replied Lister. "But are you sure, man? I mean, after what Todhunter..." Lister trailed off, not knowing if he should have brought up that name and mentally kicking himself for being stupid.

"That was rape," Rimmer replied quietly. "This is love. There's no comparison."

"Rimmer, man, you never cease to amaze me," Lister said in admiration. "Hang on a sec and let me get some lubricant so we don't have to worry about finding it later, OK?"

"OK," agreed Rimmer, as Lister scrambled out of the bunk, pausing to kiss the hologram briefly on the nose.

"Now, where were we?" Lister inquired once he had returned with the desired item.

"You were about to give me another of your 'therapeutic' massages," Rimmer replied.

"Front or back?"

"Let's start with back and wing it from there."

"No problem," Lister said as Rimmer turned over to lie on his stomach.

Lister straddled his partner, sitting on Rimmer's calves so that he could reach his back while at the same time his own erection could rub against a sensitive area of Rimmer's body. Once he was in position to begin the massage, Lister noticed that Rimmer was visibly shaking. _I guess he_ is _nervous about this, no matter what he says,_ Lister thought. _Unless it's bein' turned on that's givin' him the shakes. Either way, I'd better go slow._

Lister began the massage with a kiss to the nape of Rimmer's neck. As he continued the massage, Lister took the opportunity to tell Rimmer some of the things that had been on his mind recently. "You've gotta relax more, mate. You really scared me with that stroke—hell, you scared _all_ of us. You mean the world to me, and I don't wanna lose you."

"Ditto," said Rimmer in a muffled voice.

As Lister continued the massage, he added variety with kisses and various types of sensual touches. Soon Rimmer had stopped shaking and was quietly moaning. Sensing that his partner was ready for the next step, Lister opened the tube of lubricant and squeezed some out. At the same time as one hand was rubbing Rimmer's stomach—which seemed to be an especially erogenous spot for the hologram—the other hand applied the lubricant liberally. Lister slipped the tip of one finger into Rimmer's ass, watching for his reaction. Rimmer gasped and moaned. _So far, so good,_ Lister thought. He penetrated more deeply with the finger and leaned over Rimmer's back to kiss as much of him as he could reach. He wiggled the finger in and out a bit to get Rimmer used to the feel, while he wrapped his other hand around Rimmer's erect cock and gently pumped it.

"Ahhh," Rimmer moaned. "Listy, I think I'm ready."

"Uh-unh," Listy teased. "Remember: 'Good things come to those who wait.'"

"You goit!" Rimmer's tone was anything but angry, though.

"Time for your front," Lister mock ordered, moving aside and removing his finger so Rimmer could turn. "Roll over." Rimmer did so. After a few kisses to various parts of Rimmer's anatomy, Lister handed the tube of lubricant to Rimmer, saying "Now you lube me."

The feel of Rimmer's hands as they applied the lubricant to his cock drove Lister to a heightened level of pleasure. It would be difficult to go slow, but he didn't want to harm Rimmer either physically or emotionally.

When Rimmer released his cock, Lister renewed his massage and erotic touches to quickly bring Rimmer to a state of needy readiness. His own erection hardened as he watched Rimmer and listened to his steadily more desperate moans.

When he sensed Rimmer was ready, Lister quietly said, "OK, here I come, nice and slow." He guided his penis to Rimmer's entrance and slowly slid the head in. Rimmer moaned, but it was clearly in pleasure rather than pain. Carefully, Lister glided in a few more centimeters. He could feel a slight trembling in Rimmer's body. Just as he was about to ask Rimmer if he were all right, the hologram urged him to continue. Soon Lister was totally sheathed in Rimmer. "Ahhhh," Lister sighed. "You feel great!"

"You too. But don't stop there—keep going!"

Lister slowly began moving within Rimmer, first with long, gentle strokes, and then slightly faster ones as he tried to anticipate Rimmer's wants. The wild moaning of the man beneath him was music to his ears.

"Listy! Harder! I'm so close..." pleaded Rimmer.

Lister obliged. He was close to climax himself, and the harder, shorter thrusts that he began quickly caused him to come with a yell of "Yes!" A millisecond or two afterward, he felt Rimmer's orgasm as the hologram shuddered violently and cried out. Once the aftershocks of Rimmer's orgasm ended, Lister slipped out of him and moved to lie down by his side.

Rimmer reached out to Lister and encircled him in a powerful hug. "I love you," he whispered. "That was absolutely wonderful. I never knew it could be so good."

Lister kissed him and said, "Well, from here on in, it will _always_ be good."

"Is that what's called being cock-sure?" Rimmer asked with a twinkle in his eyes.

"Oh shut up, you smeghead. You knew what I meant."

"Yeah, I did. Thanks," Rimmer said in a sincere tone as he settled down to sleep, still holding Lister in a loose embrace.

"Any time, big man," Lister replied. "Any time."


End file.
